fed.

“The disciples had forgotten to bring bread,
and they had only one loaf with them in the boat.
Jesus enjoined them, “Watch out,
guard against the leaven of the Pharisees
and the leaven of Herod.”
They concluded among themselves that
it was because they had no bread.
When he became aware of this he said to them,
“Why do you conclude that it is because you have no bread?
Do you not yet understand or comprehend?
Are your hearts hardened?
Do you have eyes and not see, ears and not hear?
And do you not remember,
when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand,
how many wicker baskets full of fragments you picked up?”
They answered him, “Twelve.”
“When I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand,
how many full baskets of fragments did you pick up?”
They answered him, “Seven.”
He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”” Matthew 8:14-21

Call to mind the places in your life that have left you unsatisfied and managing hunger pangs. We create in our minds ideas and dreams of what our life should be, what it should look like. I will have ‘x’, ‘y’, and ‘z’ by the age of 25, 30, 45. Once I have achieved such and such qualification, I will be successful in its subsequent job. Our society has created certain expectations or entitlements for our hearts. We ache for our perfectly curated vision of success, career, family, love, and friendship. Once we have ‘mastered’ one box, say we get married, love is checked off the list and we hunger for our ideal friendships. We obtain the degree and long for the job. But it won’t stop. The hunger pangs don’t ease, only shift. We tick off each check box, only to circle back for more. We feed and feed on the leaven of this world. The food that can never satisfy. In fact, it is the food that leaves you craving more.

The world’s leaven goes back to genesis. We hunger for what is pleasant to the eyes, good for food, and the desire for wisdom (Gen 3:6). The root of all our empty desires. The world’s leaven, that is, the food, the lure of things pleasing to the eye, and our desire for man-made wisdom or success, is the root of all sin.

Jesus speaks life into our broken, fogged hearts. He recognizes our confusion, and He understands our lack of resistance to the delusions the world so readily provides. ‘Remember’. He shares with you, just as He shared with His disciples, the remedy to your endless roaming. Do you not remember?

Jesus recounts with His disciples the times He provided for them and all of His people in abundance. Did He just give enough to satisfy the crowds? Did He just give enough to calm the hunger pangs? No. He gave with baskets overflowing. He gave more than the people could ever need. He surpasses need and reshapes the idea you have created in your mind of satisfaction.

I have found myself more than once circling the idol of food, seeking the material things of this world, and desiring wisdom of selfish ambition. As I wind round and round trying to obtain the standard, I find myself falling into a darkness. The striving dims the light that burns in my soul. But, the light that lives within me, the light that lives within you will not ever be overcome by this darkness (John 1:5). Jesus sees you and He sees that you have forgotten the bread. He will not let you sit in the darkness for longer than He knows will make you resilient. He will sit with you in the boat and call out to you. He may first give you warning. “Watch out” for the leaven this world is offering you. Do not depend on it for fulfillment. Then, He may remind you. Remind you of the ways He has fed you over the years. The many times you found yourself hungry for love, for community, for dreams and He provided. Maybe He did not provide in the way you hoped for, but remember how He exceeded all expectations? Do you remember how He gave to you in abundance? He gives and satisfies in ways we cannot dream up or discover by our own means. We must first sit down in the boat, give Him the space to speak life, to provide, and set our hearts on fire once again.

Prayer

Lord, Jesus Christ, we praise You and we bless You. You have created us in Your image. You have crafted our very souls in goodness. You give us imagination and dreams inspired by Your pursuits. Jesus, I ask that You grant me a heart malleable in Your hands. Ready to expand in love as it is called. Open my eyes and my ears to understand the call when it is spoken into my heart. Jesus thank you for my memory. Thank You for reminding me that You have and always will provide for me in an abundance of love. I trust You and I love You. Feed me, satisfy my hunger. Jesus, You alone will satisfy me. Your body and soul gives me everlasting life. Your leaven strengthens me for the journey and outpours eternal peace. Amen.

Questions

• What places in your life are leaving you hungry? (career, family, relationship, image, material possessions, etc.) Surrender your hunger to the Lord. Show Him the places that are causing you pain. Invite Him in and allow Him to provide for you. Give Him the freedom to do His work in each part of your life, especially the places you think you have to handle on your own.

• Where is Jesus calling you to “watch out”? What leaven have you been feeding on? Has it left you still hungry? (diet culture, image, career expectations, family expectations) Pray for Him to open your eyes to the empty substance. Ask Him to replace it with His presence, His love.

• Recount two moments in your life Jesus has worked to provide for you in abundance. Twelve and Seven baskets full of leftovers kind of moments. Ask Him to help you remember. Pray these moments swell your trust in Him. Give Him the space to provide for you again, even in the hardest places, even in the places you are holding on so tightly. Surrender.