slow.
I developed a bad habit and I didn’t even realize it.
Like most bad habits… well I’d call this a tendency… you don’t realize you are internalizing the quality until it’s wrapped you up in it… it sort of swallows you up and hides.
I think my habit started as a student, peaked in nursing school, and now has lingered into my… shall I say adult life. This habit I’m talking about is restlessness for time. In other words, anxiety for lack of time… and it’s hypnotizing. Say you are required to be in class for a certain amount of time and the second you are released it’s go-go-go to get in a workout, to get to your prayer time, to get in some nutrition, to maybe call back a friend… so that you will have enough time left in the day to study. A desire to be productive. A desire to maintain what is important to you and above all… a desire to not fail.
Being productive is not a bad thing. Doing what is important to you is not a bad thing. Prioritizing your responsibilities is not a bad thing.
You may be giving each task, each priority, one hundred percent of your effort. But let me ask you… where is your mind…. where is your soul? What happens when the things that are the most important to you are being anxiously expedited to get ticked off a ‘to do list’.
I’ll give you the short answer… you are not fulfilling your heart.
When you rush through the parts of your life where your soul longs to rest… you miss the beautiful moments, you miss the moments of opportunity where God is calling you to intervene… you miss the moments to find your gifts, use your talents, and change lives the way Jesus calls you to…. when you are running faster than the speed of light… you lose yours. That light you have… the shining love you outpour into this world… it is in you to be shared - this is your call.
I kind of knew I had developed this tendency. When I mentioned it swallows you up and hides, well it does indeed hide. It hides behind a few qualities: productive, dedicated, motived… when I’m not getting enough done, when I’m not finishing my ‘to do list’ by the end of the day, when I’ve forgotten to do the dishes.. I am not (insert the blank) enough. I’m zipping through my most important moments, breathing at the top of my lungs, with a hummingbird heart and waiting for what? Tomorrow? To do it all again? To wake up in ten years having accomplished some title?
We are called for something greater than a life of being just out of reach… we will never know where we are going if we are blinded a timer that is always running out. It is time to take a step back. Fill your eyes with the entire perspective of this life.
Memento Mori is Latin for remember you death… we are all gifted with one life and we are reminded that death is foreseen for each of us… so many of us struggle with the desire to know what we are meant to do… where is Jesus calling me?
My friend, Jesus is calling you to be alive. He is calling you to live for one another. He wants you to be a light in this world in every part of your day. When you are running to the mailbox… will you notice your neighbor waving on the porch? When you are running through the grocery store… will you see the man reaching for his eggs? When you’ve perfectly planned out your week… will you drop it all and drive out of town to help a friend?
When Jesus pulls you, when He whispers ‘go’… ‘arise, little girl’ (Mk 6:41)… will you hear Him?
Our own thoughts are so loud. Our responsibilities can feel like a thousand pounds. Our futures can feel so uncertain we tremble with anxiety… may I give you a breath?
The dishes can wait for tomorrow… play with your kiddo a little longer before bed…
Your nutrition is balanced… meet your husband for pasta…
You can workout another day… make a holy hour with your friend…
Spend an extra twenty minutes on your prayer walk… you can study when you get home…
Friend, let us live wholly and intentionally in all that we do. Every step we take, every word we speak, every simple and mundane task… let us do it with love for our Father, love for the gift He has so graciously given to us - life.
So this habit, this tendency… I am working on it. When my breath quickens, when my mind races as I rush out of work to fill the rest of my day… Lord, let me take notice. I pray our breath is overcome by the Holy Spirit… peace, come and give us rest.
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” Mt 11:28
and Lord I pray for our anxious hearts…
